Everyone deals with negative emotions from time to time – it’s a part of life. Teaching children emotional regulation skills can help them become mentally strong and resilient.
Emotional regulation is not something we are naturally born with. It’s built through practice. That’s why it’s important to teach children how to manage those big feelings.
Teaching children skills for emotional regulation will prepare them for the ups and downs in life. Children who can hold space for their emotions grow up into adults who can do the same. Here are some of the best ways to help your child cope with negative emotions.
Why It’s Important to Teach Children Emotional Regulation Skills
When children learn how to manage their big feelings, they’re less likely to let their emotions rule their life or feel as though their emotions are in control of them.
By teaching children emotional regulation skills, you are also teaching them how to recognize their feelings.
This can translate into fewer tantrums, outbursts, and mood swings – since these are often the result of an unrecognized feeling or need. It can also help limit the time your child spends in a bad mood and keep their negative thoughts in check.
Children who can cope with negative emotions eventually learn how to “own” their emotions. They learn to take responsibility for their feelings and, in the process, learn that they are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
Being able to distinguish clearly between what is their responsibility and what is someone else’s responsibility will help them maintain boundaries and create healthy relationships later on in life.
5 Tips for Teaching Children Emotional Regulation
Teaching emotional regulation tools is an ongoing process. As always, it starts with modeling good emotional regulation at home. Working on your own ability to respond, rather than react, to events is a good place to start. Here are some additional tips.
1. Bring Awareness to Your Child’s Emotions
Before your child can manage their emotions, they must first be aware of them. However, children are not always aware of their feelings or may have trouble identifying what they’re feeling. You can support this process by paying close attention to your child.
If you notice that your child is acting differently than normal, consider asking a gentle question (You seem a little quiet today, is anything going on?). This may help your child recognize their own emotions and give them the opportunity to talk them through.
If your child can’t quite identify what’s bothering them, a feelings chart may guide them in the right direction.
2. Validate Your Children’s Emotions
How you respond to your children’s emotions – positive or negative – will teach them a lot about how much their feelings matter.
As a parent, it can be difficult to see your child in distress. For example, if your child is crying, your instinct may be to say ‘don’t cry.’ You want to take away your child’s pain, but dismissing your child’s feelings will teach them that their feelings aren’t important. Later on, they may learn to suppress their emotions or avoid uncomfortable feelings altogether.
Instead, empathize with your child and validate their emotions. Rather than saying ‘don’t cry’, you can validate their emotions (I can see you’re going through something difficult right now) and empathize with them (That situation sounds really tough. I understand why you feel that way).
Teaching children to hold space for their emotions will allow them to move through these feelings in a healthy way.
3. Don’t Judge Your Child’s Emotions
Along the same lines, when we react to our children’s emotions in a negative way, this can send the message that negative emotions are inherently bad.
Instead, we want to communicate that there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad, angry, disappointed, or frustrated. These emotions are just as valid as feeling happy, joyful, and excited.
Negative emotions are a part of life, and there’s no reason to feel shame or guilt over your emotions.
4. Reframe Negative Emotions
To help your child cope with and move through their emotions, consider teaching them to look at their emotions from another perspective.
Many of us have this idea, as mentioned above, that negative emotions are bad, and we should try to “get over” them as quickly as possible.
A more compassionate perspective would be to see these emotions as a way your body is trying to communicate with you.
Emotions like anger, fear, sadness, and anxiety are your body’s way of telling you something. For example:
- Fear – This is your body’s way of making sure you’re taking the right precautions and protecting you from danger
- Anger – This can help you recognize injustices and know what matters to you
- Sadness – This can signal a loss or a disappointment that can help you honor what is important to you and empathize with others
- Jealousy – This can signal something that you admire in others and want for yourself
When you offer your child a different perspective on their emotions, they’ll be less likely to get “stuck” on these feelings. They’ll be more likely to accept their feelings for what they are – rather than feeling guilt or shame over them.
5. Encourage Your Child to Own Their Emotions
We can teach children that while we may not have control over circumstances that impact our emotions, we do have control over how much power we allow these emotions to have.
Once your child has identified their feelings and has had time to sit with them, you can help your child check-in with themselves. You can ask questions like:
- What do you need right now?
- What would make you feel better in this moment?
The answer might be a nap, alone time, or playing outside. By allowing your child to own their emotions and take steps to improve their mood, you are giving them the confidence that they can handle life’s big emotions. Feelings don’t have to be overwhelming or debilitating. They can just be.
Need Help Teaching Your Child Emotional Regulation?
Therapy can give your child the tools to recognize and cope with their negative emotions. There’s no shame in asking for help.
With convenient locations in the Georgetown and Liberty Hill area, our licensed professionals are ready to help. You call, we match you. It really is that simple. Give us a call today.
By your side,
-Jenna
Jenna Fleming, LPC, NCC, is a Georgetown, TX therapist. She is also the owner at Georgetown and Liberty Hill Child & Family Counseling, where it is their mission to help people thrive through Christ-centered counseling.
