If you’re currently preparing for your fourth trimester- parenthood and the arrival of your baby, this is for you!
Whether you are a first-time expecting parent, or a seasoned parent who has been through it and back, your postpartum experience can be different than you envisioned. The fourth trimester is a time of physical and emotional change. You and your child adjust to your new life, roles, and responsibilities. Although not everyone has heard of the fourth trimester, every parent will go through it.
We hear a lot about the three trimesters of pregnancy but many know very little about the fourth trimester and preparing for parenthood. The fourth trimester is described as a critical time in a parent’s life. During pregnancy, women’s schedules are filled with a variety of appointments and attention. Though some attention is given to preparing pregnant women for the challenges of breastfeeding and the mental health symptoms (such as postpartum depression), women, families, and healthcare providers tend to focus more on a healthy birth rather than a healthy journey following your little one’s big birthday. As you near the finish line of your pregnancy, consider the following topics to discuss with your support system. Think of your aftercare plan as an extension of your pregnancy!
Preparing for Parenthood- Your fourth trimester checklist
1. What do you need?
Consider your needs – not just your mini me – and how to clearly communicate with your support system. Identify the things that will empower and assist you to navigate your role as a new parent to your newest family member. Research confirms that support from family and friends is a key part of helping someone in progressing in their mental health and wellness. We can never be expected to fully understand the experiences – even of those closest to us – but the dynamics in a healthy and supportive relationship can be both powerful and empowering when we learn how to extend empathy and listen.
2. Brainstorm
Consider all the ways you feel supported & share them with your support system. Begin with practical help. This could look like many things: Get your home cleaned prior to your due date. Schedule acts of self care like therapy to process your pregnancy and/or birth. Meet with a chiropractor or physical therapist to address the changes in your physical needs. Arrange for help from a friend or family member during the first week of your partner returning to work. Order drive up services at stores like Target or H‑E‑B groceries. Make sure you have snacks and beverages that take care of your physical needs upon return to your home while recovering. These are suggestions, so use what works for you. The point is to remember you are the greatest investment you can make!
3. What are the things that make you feel comforted?
Defining your love language(s) can be great! Examples of this include: affirmations or mantras posted around your room, schedule alone and/or quality time, and/or schedule a massage or another form of physical touch – such as acupuncture.
4. Determine your Boundaries
Healthy boundaries help! Take time to discuss what you think would be most helpful to you, your partner, and your newest family member as you all transition into this new season of life. Someone with healthy boundaries says “no” when they want to, but is comfortable opening up and having close relationships. A person who keeps others at a distance is said to have rigid boundaries whereas someone who gets overly involved has porous boundaries. What actions can you take to prioritize your values within your relationships with others?
Talking with Professionals during the fourth Trimester
Have an honest conversation with your trusted healthcare team (i.e. OBGYN, doula, midwife, etc.) can provide further support. As you approach your baby’s birthday and navigate your fourth trimester, ask these questions at your next upcoming healthcare appointment.
1. Do I have medical or emotional conditions that are expected to change during the postpartum, fourth trimester, period?
Did you know, one in seven of your friends struggles with postpartum anxiety according to various studies? 1 in 7 Moms as well as 1 in 10 Dads suffer from postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are identified as serious however they are not uncommon and are treatable alongside healthcare clinicians. In the fourth trimester, postpartum anxiety is defined as an exaggerated worry that something is wrong. It usually involves worrying all day, everyday, and about many different things related to parenting. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are not a result of something a parent did or did not do during pregnancy. After childbirth, the levels of the hormones, estrogen and progesterone (which are high during pregnancy) drop drastically. This leads to chemical changes in the body and the brain. It can lead to mood swings and other symptoms, including postpartum depression.
If you have a history of navigating emotions related to anxiety and/or depression, consider reaching out to our office to begin preventative care. It will help you to gain coping skills and insight into your experiences alongside a trained therapist.
2. Will medications I take need to be adjusted in the fourth trimester?
Spend time speaking with your healthcare provider(s) about your concerns. Having a conversation where you give voice to your fears may be incredibly helpful towards gaining further insight about risks, alternative interventions, and debunking some myths that you may have subconsciously internalized. As you are preparing for parenthood, it’s important to prioritize your own health.
3. What are the fourth trimester warnings and differences between “baby blues” and postpartum depression?
Baby blues affects 60-80% of moms. Most women experience this. It’s due to a hormonal fluctuation during the fourth trimester. It is not a mild form of depression. It should improve in time.
- Symptoms of baby blues include:
- Crying
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Being uncertain
- Acute sleep deprivation
- Fatigue
- Lasts no more than 2 days to 2 weeks
- Predominant mood is happy
- Unrelated to psychiatric process
- Symptoms of perinatal depression:
- Sadness/Crying
- Unexplained physical complaints
- Suicidal thoughts
- Appetite changes
- Sleep disturbances
- Poor concentration/focus
- Irritability/anger
- Hopelessness and helplessness
- Guilt and shame
- Lack of feeling emotionally connected towards baby/babies
- Inability to take care of self or family’s needs
- Isolation
- “This doesn’t feel like me”
Dr. Marc Bracket, author and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, created an app called the Mood Meter which can provide further assistance while reflecting and tracking your experienced emotions. By tracking your emotions, you can allow dedicated space to better understand what values and boundaries are needed to be honored moving forward. You can start by asking yourself questions such as: “what emotion(s) am I experiencing right now, at this moment”?
4. When is the best time for my first postpartum check-up?
Cleared for sex and exercise… But wait, you’re still processing how intense my birth was. A question I commonly hear is – “how do I know when it’s time to get support from a professional”? First and foremost, you don’t need to check all the boxes on WebMD related to a diagnosis in order to seek help. If you find yourself wondering if what you’re going through is something more serious, it may be helpful to think about how this experience is impacting your daily functioning. If you find that your day to day life is being affected by your symptoms negatively, this may be an indicator to reach out for professional support.
Support as you prepare for the fourth trimester
You deserve support. Meeting with a therapist and/or your doctor can provide insight to your story and assistance to learn how to navigate your unique experiences. As you begin preparing for parenthood in your fourth trimester, I hope that you extend grace towards yourself during this present and upcoming season and never forget that the most amazing truth about parenthood is recognizing that you are not alone.
Lauren is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping women adjust to the big changes that motherhood brings.
