When a parent finds out their child has been cutting, they often have a flood of emotions.
Discovering that your child is self-harming can be scary.
It’s difficult to know what to do or where to turn.
Parents feel fearful, surprised, overwhelmed or guilty for not recognizing signs.
The jolt of the discovery can bring up all sorts of issues of a parent’s own past, untended issues in the home or the build up of parent-child distance that seemed like ‘normal’ teenage behavior at the time.
It’s important to understand what cutting is (and is not).
Though cutting may look and seem like a suicide attempt, it is not. It’s literally little cuts on the arms, legs or other areas of the body (like between fingers and toes) as a form of self-injury.
For most, cutting is a way for kids and teens manage (or self-regulate) emotions they’re having a hard time with. It gives sensation input for teens who feel ‘numb’ or a sensation release from feeling ‘flooded’.
Cutting is often associated with other problems, such as anxiety, depression or eating disorders. Girls are more likely than boys to cut (though boys do cut) and it most frequently happens in tweens and teens between ages 9-14.
There are signs parents can look for.
- small, linear cuts typically on the forearm or legs
- words cut or carved into the skin
- unexplained scratches or cuts that continue to appear
- mood changes like depression or anxiety
- uncontrolled anger or sudden trouble in relationships
- unexplained weight loss
If your child is cutting, it’s important to take action.
- Be direct but not angry or over-reactive with your child about the issue. It’s best to err on the side of open communication.
- Let your child know that you are there for them, that the behavior is not safe and that it’s important for your child/family to get help.
- Talk to a professional who can help and feels comfortable in dealing with this type of behavior.
What treatment looks like.
Treatment will generally consist of work with a mental health professional who can evaluate the level of behavior and help with next steps for the right level. A professional will address the underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, poor-self esteem or trauma and teach healthy coping tools for managing stress. It can also be really helpful for a counselor to focus on family communication and healthy coping tools for the family as well.
Kids do not grow out of cutting.
Your child will need help to process emotions and help to develop healthy coping tools for dealing with stress.
If you have concerns about your child, remember to be direct and calm, let your child know you are there for them and seek help from a mental health professional.
You are not alone, parents. We all want our kids healthy and safe and there is a lot of wonderful help out there.
Jenna Fleming is a licensed professional counselor serving kids, teens and parents in Georgetown, TX. She offers counseling services, courses and classes to help families enjoy life more fully and get to a smoother, healthier path.
