Self harm is a topic that no one likes to talk about. The serious nature of self harm makes it a scary topic for parents to think about – much less talk about.
But since 17.6% of adolescents have admitted to engaging in at least 1 incidence of self harm, it’s a topic that should be on every parent’s radar.
The adolescent years are a difficult time, full of emotional ups and downs. It’s also a time where teens learn how to cope with their emotions and the stressors of everyday life on their own.
Some teens may turn to self harm as a coping method, which is why it’s important to keep an eye out for the risks and the signs your teen is engaging in self harm.
What Does Self Harm Mean?
In order to answer the question, ‘why do teens self harm?’, we first have to understand what self harm is.
Self harm is purposeful self injury that is performed without intent to commit suicide.
The most common form of self harm is skin cutting, which can be performed using razors, fingernails, knives, or other sharp objects. Other forms of self harm include burning, hair pulling, and hitting oneself.
The most common places a person self harms are hands, wrists, stomach, and thighs.
Self harm is not, on its own, an indicator of suicidal behavior. It can be better thought of as an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Risk Factors for Self Harm
You might think to yourself, ‘my child would never engage in self harm. They’re not that type of kid.’ But it’s this type of thinking that causes parents to turn a blind eye to their child’s struggles.
The truth is, there is no one ‘type’ of kid that’s most at risk for self harm. You can’t tell who’s struggling just by their exterior appearance.
In general, adolescent females tend to engage in self harm at a higher rate than adolescent males. 1 in 4 teenage girls have reported self harming, while 1 in 10 boys have reported self harming.
Self harm also tends to decrease with age. In a study of adolescents aged 14-18, 18 year olds engaged in self harm at a lower incidence than 14 year olds.
So what does this tell us? It tells us to keep a close eye on our teen girls and make sure they’re getting the help and support they need.
Another indicator of self harm is co-existing conditions, such as:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Eating disorders
- Borderline personality disorder
- PTSD
- History of trauma or abuse
If your child struggles with any of these issues, it doesn’t automatically mean they self harm. It can, however, contribute to the problem. Being aware of conditions that put your child more at risk can help you spot signs of self harm earlier.
Self Harm Warning Signs
Teens often self harm in secrecy, in their bedrooms or bathrooms. They might hide it out of shame, guilt, or fear of their parent’s response.
However, some teens are engaging in self harm as a cry for help. So even though they try to hide it, deep down, they may actually want someone to notice and take action.
With that in mind, here are some signs that a teen is engaging in self harm:
- Wearing long sleeves or long pants in hot weather
- Having scars on their hands, wrists, stomach, or thighs
- Acting secretively or suspiciously
- Collecting sharp objects
- Finding razors or other sharp objects stashed away in their room
- Locking themselves in their rooms after stressful situations
- Wearing bandages
- Avoiding activities, such as sports, where they have to change or wear clothing/uniforms that reveal more skin
If you notice one or more of these signs, it might be time for a chat with your teen.
Why Do Teens Self Harm?
The surface level response to the question, ‘why do teens self harm’ may have to do with the body’s natural response to physical pain.
You see, when a person engages in an act of self harm, the physical injury triggers a release of endorphins. These endorphins produce a pleasurable sensation or a ‘high’ in the body.
In this way, self harm provides instantaneous relief to painful feelings. So the reason teens engage in self harm may be, in part, finding a sort of relief or pleasure in the act.
However, the underlying reasons why teens turn to self harm in the first place are varied. Some reasons teens engage in self harm include:
- Wanting to feel physical pain in place of emotional pain or emotional numbness
- Feeling disconnected from family, friends, and peers
- Seeking attention from parents/wanting someone to notice their pain
- Feeling heavy societal or parental pressure
- Low self-worth
- Feeling alone or rejected
- Feeling unsafe at school or at home
While we can’t capture the full spectrum of reasons why teens self harm, this list should provide some ‘red flags’ to look for.
How to Help a Teenager that Self Harms
To begin, always approach the situation with calmness and compassion, rather than anger and judgement.
If you start by yelling, freaking out, or shaming your teen about their self harm habits, that will set the tone for the rest of the conversation. Your teen may choose to shut down or lie.
Keep in mind that teens who self harm may be battling anxiety and depression, meaning they already deal with feelings of guilt or shame. Piling on more judgement and criticisms can only make the situation worse.
If you start the conversation with compassion, your child might be more open to your suggestions. Here are a few different ways to help a child that self harms:
- Suggest that they reach out for connection – seeking connecting with friends, family members, or a licensed professional can help with anxiety and create a healthier coping habit.
- Replace the habit with something positive – this could include a creative outlet, such as painting or journaling. Creative expression can help release negative emotions and energy.
- Try a mindfulness practice – mindfulness helps us to be more in tune with our bodies. Teens who self harm usually feel disconnected with their body or may even view their body as an object. Bringing awareness back to the body can create a sense of appreciation and lessen the desire to self harm.
Help Is Just a Call Away
When it comes to self harm, professional help is often the answer. Self harm can become a more serious issue if it’s left unaddressed. Parents don’t always have the tools or the answers to navigate this difficult situation – and that’s okay. That’s what we’re here for.
At Central Texas Child and Family Counseling, we are here to help and support your teen. Help is just a quick phone call away – call, email, or stop by our offices in Georgetown or Liberty Hill today.
Here for you,
-Jenna
