You’re at the grocery store with your kids. Everything seems to be going fine until you hit the dreaded snack aisle. Or as you’d like to call it, the temper tantrums aisle.
Your son suddenly starts grabbing everything in sight and asking if they can have it. After you say ‘no’ for the 10th time, he starts getting frustrated.
Until suddenly, it happens. You hear an explosive cry and then he’s stomping his feet and throwing a fit. It’s only seconds until he’s about to have a full-on meltdown. We’re talking lying on the grocery-store floor, kicking and screaming meltdown.
Does this scene sound familiar to you? For many parents, temper tantrums hit close to home. Your child’s temper tantrums might not happen in the grocery store, but they happen elsewhere – before bed, after school, at dinnertime.
It feels like these temper tantrums come without warning and for no apparent reason.
The truth is, temper tantrums happen for a variety of reasons. None of which include you being a bad parent. The first step to figuring out what’s behind your child’s temper tantrums is to stop blaming yourself. Be kind to yourself so you can better help your child through their temper tantrums.
Children throw tantrums for less-than-obvious reasons, and it may take some observation and communication to figure out what’s really going on. If you’re having trouble pinpointing the issue, here are 5 common reasons children throw tantrums.
Your Child is Trying to Communicate Their Needs
You may notice that temper tantrums start developing around the ages of 2 to 3. This is around the same time kids develop their language abilities. This is no coincidence!
It can be very frustrating for children who want to verbalize how they’re feeling, but don’t know how.
Your child might be hungry, tired, upset, or feeling sick, but can’t find the words to communicate those feelings to you. These feelings may then bubble over into a temper tantrum.
Well since we can’t read our child’s mind, how can we figure out what’s going on inside their head?
The first step is to take note of the circumstances surrounding your child’s temper tantrums. Observe what specific scenarios seem to ‘set them off’. Are they cranky after school? Before dinner? When they’re left alone? When they’re playing with siblings? The when and where of temper tantrums can help demystify them entirely.
Let’s take an example. Shelby’s mom notices that her daughter is always cranky before she goes to bed. Sometimes, Shelby will refuse to change into her PJs or try to drag out the ‘bedtime routine’ for as long as possible. When Shelby doesn’t get her way, it can turn into kicking, crying, and screaming.
What could be going on?
Well, Shelby might be anxious about going to daycare tomorrow or perhaps, she’s scared of the dark. It could even be something as simple as Shelby finds her PJs or her bed sheets itchy and uncomfortable.
Observation is best used in conjunction with communication. So once you pick up on certain patterns, asking your child direct, yes or no questions can help pinpoint what’s bothering them.
Your Child is Overstimulated
Another common cause for temper tantrums in children is overstimulation. While we, as adults, can recognize when loud noises or bright lights are bothering us, this is an awareness that children learn over time.
It may not be obvious to your toddler that the TV volume is giving them a headache or the bright lights are making it hard for them to fall asleep. Kids often rely on you to remind them of their needs.
So when your child throws a temper tantrum, evaluate their surroundings. Is the room cramped or cluttered? Is there a lot of noise either inside or outside of the house? Are their siblings running around and screaming?
When children feel overwhelmed, they might throw a temper tantrum because they don’t know any other way to deal with everything going on around them.
Your Child Wants to Get Your Attention
Do you know what temper tantrums do? They grab your attention – and fast. That’s part of the appeal to children. They know it’ll spark a reaction in you.
Rather than allowing your child’s temper tantrum to get the best of you, use this as an opportunity to figure out what’s really wrong. Why is your child acting out? Why are they using their behavior to get your attention?
Your child might be bored and not know how to express it in a healthy way. So instead of talking to you, they start throwing their toys and making a fuss. Although it’s difficult, try to look past their disruptive behavior and instead ask yourself what your child is trying to tell you in that moment.
Your Child Needs an Outlet for Their Energy
Some children are simply more active than others. Just like some kids can sit through a family dinner while others make it 10 minutes in before running off to play, children’s energy levels can differ.
For highly active children, they might hold all of their energy in during school and then release it when they come home. This could look like a tantrum or meltdown if your child starts doing disruptive things.
In this case, consider helping your children find ways they can decompress in a healthy manner – such as sports or engaging in a hobby.
Your Child is Dealing with Anxiety, ADHD, or Sensory Processing Issues
It may be possible that your child is dealing with a more serious issue than simply growing pains. Children with anxiety, ADHD, or sensory processing issues often have a difficult time coping with daily tasks. They may act out for any of the above reasons, but the difference is that these tantrums tend to occur more frequently or at a higher intensity. They generally don’t go away on their own and can begin to disrupt their life.
But anxiety, ADHD, and sensory processing issues don’t have to be debilitating. Learning healthy coping mechanisms can temper even the worst tantrums, making them less frequent or less intense.
Still Not Sure Why Your Child is Having Temper Tantrums?
If you feel your child’s temper tantrums are getting too hard to handle on your own, it might be time to speak to a professional.
There’s no shame in seeking help. Central Texas Child and Family Counseling makes finding a counselor easy and convenient. You call. We match you. It’s that simple.
We want to see you and your family thrive. Come see us today. We have locations in both the Georgetown and Liberty Hill area.
Rooting for you,
-Jenna
Jenna Fleming, LPC, NCC, is a Georgetown, TX therapist. She is also the owner at Georgetown and Liberty Hill Child & Family Counseling, where it is their mission to help people thrive through Christ-centered counseling.
