At a restaurant your child randomly yells out odd sounds. In the grocery store, your daughter flaps her arms when the cold air of the freezer section hits her skin. When asked to leave, your son has a meltdown because he didn’t finish the level he was at on a video game. Your family just can’t go to loud places because your kid covers his ears and becomes too distressed.
Quirky kids have confusing behavior to the majority of folks. Some of the more common sound and visual ‘quirks’ are called stimming or tics. Having some knowledge and tools to help can be very empowering in understanding and supporting our kids.
About Stimming
Stimming- a repetitive body movement that self-stimulates one or more senses in a regulated manner. While everyone stims sometimes, people on the autism spectrum do it far more frequently than their neurotypical counterparts. We categorize 3 specific types of stimming:
- Hand stimming, including hand flapping, finger waving, and finger wiggling
- Body stimming, including rocking, spinning, and head bobbing
- Vocal stimming, including groaning, screeching, and various forms of vocalization
Stimming is used for self-soothing, self-regulating and to gain control over our bodies and environment- like the urge to scratch an itch or move to music. While this behavior can be publicly embarrassing, avoid shaming your child for this natural way they are behaving. With children who have some self-awareness, parents can teach their child to be aware of the stimming and give them alternatives that are more socially appropriate to use in public. The children can save their more disruptive stimming for the private setting.
About Tics
Tic– a sudden, repetitive, non-rhythmic motor movement or vocalization. Countered to the ‘itch feeling’ of stimming, a tic is more like a ‘sneeze’ that just happens. Tics occur on a spectrum, the more severe being called Tourette syndrome. Tics are classified as either phonic (verbal) or motor (muscle) and can be simple or complex. Examples of simple motor tics are hand clapping, neck stretching, mouth movements, head, arm or leg jerks, and facial grimacing. Examples of simple vocal tics are throat clearing, sniffing, or grunting.
Tourette syndrome children may exhibit symptoms of other comorbid conditions along with their motor and phonic tics. Associated conditions include attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD or ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), learning disabilities and sleep disorders.
Knowledge and understanding are the best treatments available for tics. Limiting caffeine, relaxation and behavioral approaches are used to address tics. There have also been some studies on Habit Reversal Training and dopamine as use for treatment, but there is no clear evidence at this time.
How Parents can Help
Become aware—Learn about your child and his/her behaviors. Become mindful of your own interaction with your child and teach in ways that are most likely to get a positive response. Learn what is likely to trigger a melt-down for your child, so you can try to minimize them.
Learn to love structure, consistent schedules and routines– Behavior, communication, and social skills can all be areas of concern for quirky kids and maintaining a solid, loving, and structured approach in caring for your child, can help greatly. Some helpful ideas here: use a calendar, create a schedule, use ‘If-then’ charts or other behavior charts and reward systems. Give warning before transitions or schedule changes.
Partner with the school- Sometimes support systems may be needed for your child like a behavior plan, a 504 accommodation plan or an IEP for special services. Keep communication open and positive with the school to create a good partnership.
Teach social behavior with purpose and fun– know your child’s interests and use those as opportunities for teaching. For kids who don’t easily pick up on social cues, it’s important to be specific about teaching them- eye contact, personal space, how to get attention appropriately, how to stick with the topic of a conversation, table manners and so on. We fall trap to frustration or embarrassment quite easily because for many kids, this comes more naturally and these behaviors can put us in a socially awkward position as parents. Think of yourself as a social skill teacher and find opportunities to talk about these social skills before they have an opportunity to put them in action. Role plays, frequent feedback, stories and games are really helpful teaching tools.
Monitor and have limits on screens- It is common for quirky kids to be attracted to very specific interests. Sometimes that can be extreme interest in video games. Be cautious of the amount and type of games your child is playing. Many games (such as violent games) reinforce inappropriate social behaviors and prevent kids from interacting in the real world. Neurologically, too much screen time can also amplify negative symptoms from conditions like OCD.
And Most Importantly…
Be patient and stay optimistic. Your child, like every child, has a whole lifetime to learn. It is important that you take care of yourself, stay patient and remember that we are on a journey. Your child is a gift. Enjoy them right where they are along this path.
