While many of us find it easy to show others compassion, what would our world look like if we were able to show more compassion to ourselves? Being gentle with ourselves is more effective than beating ourselves up and self compassion can lead to many positive outcomes. You, too, can learn how to teach self compassion to your kids.
Teaching your children self compassion can help them develop resilience, build self-trust, and have a greater capacity to empathize with themselves and others. Learning self compassion can help them cope with challenges they face later in life.
What is Self Compassion?
Everyone has heard about self-love, but what about its lesser-known companion self compassion?
Self compassion is offering yourself comfort and support in times of difficulty. It is kindness that comes from the universal truth that we all, as humans, deserve compassion and understanding during times of suffering.
Self compassion is one way of practicing self love. It’s especially important in those moments where you’ve made a mistake, feel inadequate, or tell yourself you’ve failed. Self compassion allows you to give yourself grace, forgive yourself, and accept yourself for who you are.
Why is Teaching Your Children Self Compassion Important?
As humans, we are often quick to beat ourselves up over small mistakes, thinking that it will make us do better next time. But in fact, the opposite is true.
Beating ourselves up after a mistake – criticizing, judging, and blaming ourselves – does not motivate us to do better. It can actually cause us greater shame and hurt our ability to move on from the event. Self compassion can help us break this cycle.
Teaching children self compassion can help them cope with life’s uncertainties. We all have ups and downs. We all make mistakes and slip up from time to time. And that’s okay. When children are taught to embrace their imperfections, they learn to have a greater capacity for their own humanness.
Self compassion also helps children become more in tune with their feelings, confident, and resilient. When children practice self compassion, this compassion will naturally extend towards others as well.
How to Teach Self Compassion to Kids
Be Compassionate Toward Yourself
If you’re wondering how to teach self compassion to your kids, it first starts with modeling the behavior yourself. Do you ever find yourself speaking critically or unkindly toward yourself? Do you fixate on your imperfections or constantly tell yourself you can do better?
Kids are very aware of their environment. They pay close attention to how you speak to yourself. Instead of criticizing yourself or picking yourself apart, offer yourself kindness.
Let Your Child Know It’s Okay to Have Strong Feelings
Children, like adults, may find it difficult to sit in their big emotions. They may try to push their disappointment, sadness, or anger down. Let your child know that these big emotions are okay. Being sad is just as okay as being happy. Feelings are neutral nad should not be judged or ignored.
When your child learns that having these big emotions are okay, they’ll have a greater capacity to accept both their emotions and themselves.
Teach Them the Reverse Golden Rule
A great way to explain self compassion to your children is with the “reverse” golden rule. Tell your children to treat themselves the way they would treat a friend in the same situation.
For example, let’s say your child is disappointed that they did poorly on their math exam. They may think that they’re not smart or not good enough. You can ask your child, what would you say to a friend in this situation?
Maybe they would say:
- You tried your best
- You’ll do better next time
- Everyone has stuff they struggle with
- You are good at so many other things
Getting your child to talk to themselves like they would talk to a friend is a simple way to rewire their inner voice in times of difficulty.
Practice Loving Kindness Meditation
Another way to incorporate self compassion in your child’s life is to introduce them to the loving-kindness meditation. This is a simple mediation where your child sends love and kindness to themselves, those they love, those who have been unkind, and the universe.
The idea reinforces that everyone deserves love and kindness, and that love and kindness start from within and move outward.
Forgive Your Child
Your child’s inner voice is influenced by the way you speak to them. It’s important to practice grace during the times when your child challenges you – when they break a cup, miss a deadline, or forget about something important.
When your child inevitably makes mistakes, throws tantrums, or misbehaves, it’s crucial not to blame or shame them. You can discipline your child and be firm with them about the rules, but you can also separate your child from their mistakes.
Children make mistakes. We all do. Forgive your children and reaffirm to them that mistakes do not make you bad or unworthy. Your response to your children’s mistakes will help shape how your children talk to themselves.
Read Books Together
Self compassion begins by recognizing your feelings and accepting them, rather than judging them. To help your child better recognize and name their emotions, consider reading a book or watching a movie with them.
You can pause and ask your child what emotion the characters are feeling at that moment. You can ask what they might say to that character or if they’ve ever felt the same way. Books and other forms of media can start important conversations about big emotions and having empathy for others and ourselves.
Use Positive Reinforcement
The more your child practices self compassion, the better they will become at it. Use positive reinforcement when you notice your child:
- Not being hard on themselves
- Engaging in positive self talk
- Accepting their big emotions
- Forgiving themselves
Make sure to give them big kudos when they practice self compassion. This reinforces to them that they’re on the right track and that they’re doing a good job. As parents, it’s your job to notice and celebrate the small habits that your children engage in, in addition to the big things.
Still Not Sure How to Teach Self Compassion to Your Kids?
You don’t have to do it alone. It can be hard to teach your children self compassion if this is a new practice for you as well. Our licensed and experienced therapists are here to help and support you through the process.
Contact us today or come visit us at our Georgetown or Liberty Hill location. We can’t wait to help you.
Here to help,
Jenna
