Talking to your child about sex can be a daunting task for any parent. Depending on how you were raised or the experiences in your life, the topic of sex can feel extremely difficult to discuss, possibly even a shameful topic. While it’s natural to feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to approach this topic, sexuality is a part of human development and there is nothing shameful about it. Having an open and honest conversation with your child is essential to ensure they have accurate information and understand the importance of healthy relationships.
Here are some tips to help you have the sex talk(s) with your child:
Start Early: It is important to start talking about sex with your child early on, even as young as preschool age. Use age-appropriate language and answer their questions honestly. This will help to establish an open dialogue and create a foundation for future conversations.
Use Correct Terms: It can feel tempting to use alternative words for genitals, but it’s important for children to know the correct anatomical parts. In this way, if a child has discomfort in any form surrounding their private parts, they have the language to describe to adults what is going on. This is a safety skill you want your child to have.
Discuss privacy and secrecy: Privacy is discretion, secrecy is hiding. Children should be taught at a young age what part of their bodies (and others) are private and belong to them. Secrecy is when a person asks a child to hide information and should not be something that a person asks them to do.
Answer what is asked: It’s common for children to ask questions around the topic of sexuality at a very young age, but often their curiosity is very basic. Sometimes adults answer questions with far too much information, revealing what the child might not be ready for. Clarify what your child is asking about, answer just that part and allow space for more curiosity if your child has follow up questions.
Be Prepared: Before having the sex talk, make sure you are informed and educated about the topic. This includes knowing the correct terminology, the basics of sexual development, and the risks and benefits of sexual activity. You can also consider using books or online resources to help guide the conversation.
Choose the Right Time and Place: Choose a time and place where both you and your child feel comfortable and are free from distractions. This could be during a car ride or a walk, or at home during a one-on-one conversation.
Listen and Be Respectful: It is important to listen to your child’s questions and concerns without judgment or criticism. Respect their thoughts and feelings, and be prepared to answer difficult questions.
Emphasize Safety and Respect: Teach your child about the importance of safe sex practices and the importance of respecting their own bodies and the bodies of others. Discuss consent, healthy relationships, and how to say “no.”
Keep the Conversation Going: The sex talk is not a one-time event, but an ongoing conversation. Continue to check in with your child and answer any questions they may have as they grow and develop.
Having the sex talk with your child can be challenging, but it is essential for their health and well-being. By starting early, being prepared, choosing the right time and place, listening and being respectful, emphasizing safety and respect, and keeping the conversation going, you can help your child navigate this important aspect of life with confidence and knowledge.
-Jenna Fleming, LPC-S, NCC
