With in-person classes starting up again, your socially anxious child may not be feeling the same excitement about school as the other kids.
In fact, the thought of social events, group projects, and presentations might fill them with dread. It can be hard to see your child struggling with fear of judgment and scrutiny from others.
The good news is that social anxiety is a highly treatable condition if kids are given the support and coping tools they need.
Support for your socially anxious child starts at home. We have 7 ways to help your child ease their way into social situations, rather than avoiding them.
How do I know if my child has social anxiety?
Social anxiety is characterized by a severe fear of being judged or perceived negatively in social situations. For people with social anxiety, this intense fear drives them to avoid doing things or speaking to people.
Social anxiety usually presents in children between 8 to 15 years of age. This is around the same time when children start to become more self-aware of how they’re perceived by their peers. It also coincides with a time where social relationships become more important in school, sports, and other activities.
Your child might suffer from social anxiety if they:
- Say their worst fear is being embarrassed and/or looking stupid in front of others
- Hate being the center of attention
- Avoid doing things out of fear of embarrassment
- Dread social situations for weeks before they occur
- Cling to familiar people
- DIsplay physical symptoms (trembling, sweating, nausea, blushing, increased heart rate, a difficulty speaking) when faced with a social situations
- Automatically assume that people view them in a negative light
- Overreact and personalize people’s words and actions
These signs may alert you to a problem, and it’s important to intervene as early as you can.
What’s the difference between social anxiety and shyness?
The main difference between social anxiety and shyness is the intensity and persistence of fear. Shy kids may not enjoy giving a class presentation. Kids with social anxiety, however, will dread this activity for weeks before it occurs and fixate on all the possible ways in which they can make a mistake and look stupid in front of their peers. On the day of the presentation, they may display physical symptoms of nausea, lightheadedness, rapid heartbeat, sweating, and trembling.
In other words, social anxiety is more intense than shyness. It debilitates some children from participating in activities that they would otherwise enjoy.
Sometimes, a shy child may grow into a socially anxious child – or they might not. It’s important to pay attention to the severity and persistence of your child’s “shyness” in order to figure out the best course of action.
How can I help my child with shyness and social anxiety?
1. Promote a Growth Mindset
Teach your children that their abilities are not fixed, but can grow with practice and determination. Socially anxious children often believe they can’t do something because they’re not smart enough, funny enough, athletic enough, etc.
A growth mindset can help socially anxious children reframe their perspectives. Maybe they can’t score a soccer goal yet, but they can with enough practice. Reinforce the idea that skills and abilities can be learned.
Praise your children for their progress rather than their innate talent or abilities. Lastly, don’t scold or judge your child for making mistakes. Instead, reframe failures as learning opportunities and praise your child for trying – their effort is more important than the outcome.
2. Prepare for Social Situations
One of the best ways to help your child reduce their social anxiety is to prepare for daunting social situations in advance. Let’s say your child has a birthday party coming up, and they’re a little nervous.
It can be helpful to talk through what they’re nervous about and how they could deal with those situations. If they’re nervous about meeting new kids, you can teach your child some icebreakers – such as complimenting someone’s outfit or asking them what tv shows they like to watch.
Other ways to prepare include reading a book, role-playing, and arriving early to the social event to become familiar with the layout. Taking these steps can help ease your child’s anxiety on the day of the event.
3. Take a Step Back
As a parent, it’s important that you work on your own anxiety so you don’t project it onto your child. For many parents, this means letting go of control and trusting in your child.
Try not to hover over your child or check in with them too often in social situations. This can make them feel as if they’re doing something “wrong”. In addition, you never want to speak for your child in social situations where they’re nervous. This may cause your child to further retreat.
4. Name It
Rather than hoping and praying your child’s social anxiety will get better on its own, it’s better to get it out in the open. Naming the condition can actually be very freeing to some children.
Opening up the conversation will also allow you to share your own experiences with social anxiety, which can then help normalize these feelings. Consider telling your kids when you experience social anxiety, where it’s coming from, and why you’re going to do it anyway. Then give them a recap of what actually happened when you did the thing you were afraid of.
In this way, you are modeling a healthy coping strategy and showing them what it looks like in action. For children who always think about the worst-case scenario, you can show them that the worst-case scenario rarely ever happens.
5. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Always meet your child’s anxiety with curiosity rather than judgment. Kids with social anxiety are already worried about being judged. Scolding and berating them will only make their anxiety worse.
Rather than saying something like, “Why don’t you want to go to the game like all the other kids?” or “I don’t understand what the big deal is”, try to see the situation from your child’s perspective.
Ask questions like “What about this situation makes you nervous?” or “What are you worried is going to happen?”. From there, you can reassure your child or help them prepare as needed.
6. Encourage, But Don’t Push
The line between being a supportive parent and a helicopter parent can sometimes be unclear. A good rule of thumb is to encourage rather than push. Encouragement involves using reassuring words, positive incentives, and rewards to encourage kids to change their own behavior.
Pushing your child can look like forcing them into social situations where they feel uncomfortable or telling them to just ‘get over’ their anxiety. This type of approach only leads to more anxiety and self-consciousness.
7. Teach Calming Strategies
For a socially anxious child, they might encounter many situations that kick their anxiety into gear. You can equip your child with calming techniques such as grounding or deep breathing to help relieve their symptoms at the moment. Social anxiety can be managed and doesn’t always have to be overwhelming.
Bottom Line
As much as we wish we could wave our magic wands and cure our kids of their social anxiety, we can’t solve our children’s problems for them. We can only give them the tools to succeed.
Help Is a Call Away
Social anxiety is a condition that can have far-reaching effects on your child’s interpersonal relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem. Thankfully, it’s a condition that is highly responsive to treatment.
If your child is struggling to cope with social anxiety, we are here to help. Our group of licensed professionals has helped many kids conquer their fears and thrive in social situations.
There is no shame in asking for help. Contact us today. We’re conveniently located in the Georgetown and Liberty Hill area.
