When it comes to mentally healthy adults, you’ll find that many of them share something in common: they grew up in mentally healthy families.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. You can find many well adjusted adults who grew out of their dysfunctional families and learned healthy habits on their own.
However, teaching and modeling emotional intelligence from a young age can give your kids the foundation they need to grow in mentally healthy and happy adults.
Family dynamics play a huge part in how children relate to others, themselves, and the world. Good habits start young, so here’s a list of 9 habits mentally healthy families practice on a day-to-day basis.
1. Engage in Healthy Communication
When it comes to healthy communication, it starts with learning how to respond rather than react to situations. This can take practice and even help from a licensed therapist.
How often have you said something in a fight that you later regret? Or snapped at your partner when under stress? It’s hard to make the best decisions when experiencing emotional ups and downs.
That’s why knowing how to regulate your emotions – stepping back from a fight or taking time for yourself when you feel overwhelmed – is crucial to healthy communication.
Modeling emotional regulation for your children is an important part of your job as a parent.
The truth is – healthy families fight. They disagree. They get angry with each other. The difference in a mentally healthy family is that family members can express their disagreements in a healthy, respectful manner.
Healthy communication goes beyond the words you say. It also includes your:
- Tone
- Facial expressions
- Body language
Children pick up on non-verbal cues, so make sure you watch more than just what you say.
2. Actively Listen to Each Other
You can’t mention healthy communication without mentioning its other half – active listening. One isn’t possible without the other. Even if you’re a pro at communication, it doesn’t get you far if you don’t know how to listen.
Mentally healthy families know how to really listen to each other. Active listening means taking in what the other person is saying, without judgment, criticism, or getting defensive.
Imagine your child is trying to tell you how they feel, and you keep interrupting them or giving them unwanted advice. This behavior isn’t going to encourage your children to come to you with their problems in the future.
When you speak out of turn or get defensive, it often comes from a place of anxiety or wanting to control a situation. In those cases, we recommend practicing calming techniques and stress management on a day-to-day basis.
3. Set Boundaries
If you grew up being taught that families ‘do anything for each other’, you may have grown up in a family without boundaries. You might have been roped into doing things you didn’t really want to do.
The truth is, mentally healthy families set and respect each others’ boundaries – whether that means not bringing up a topic during family dinners or not entering each other’s rooms without knocking first.
Setting boundaries within a family is a proactive approach to not getting overwhelmed and not forcing yourself into a situation which might later lead to resentment.
Make it a priority to let your kids know it’s okay to have boundaries, as long as they communicate them, and that it’s ok to say no sometimes. Set an example by communicating with your family honestly and not letting others overstep your own boundaries.
4. Say Sorry
In mentally healthy families, family members can recognize when they’re wrong and admit their mistakes. And yes, this includes the grown ups too!
Admitting you’re wrong as a parent doesn’t diminish your authority. In fact, it just re-affirms to your children that a) you’re human and b) it’s okay to make mistakes. Acknowledging your mistakes to your children teaches them how to take ownership of their actions.
5. Celebrate Each Other’s Individuality
Happy households don’t expect all family members to have the same opinions or interests. In fact, mentally healthy families value and celebrate each other’s individuality.
They don’t pressure each other to conform to the ‘norm’ or make any member feel like they are a ‘black sheep.’ They recognize that differences are what makes them stronger.
And lastly, mentally healthy families give each other the space they need to grow and evolve into better (and sometimes different!) versions of themselves. They don’t stifle each other or pressure each other to be something they are not.
6. Act as Each Other’s Cheerleaders
Have you ever felt the need to hide your dreams from your family? It might have felt isolating, or even lonely, to pursue your interests without the support of your family.
In mentally healthy families, family members make it a priority to support each other. Even if you don’t necessarily understand your child’s obsession with emo rock or comic books, it’s important to show your support. You can show your child support by:
- Asking them questions about their interests
- Learning about their interests on your own time
- Accompanying them to an event they’re interested in
- Giving financial support so they can pursue their interests
7. Make Self-Care a Priority
You might be thinking – what does self-care have to do with my family? Well, self-care is much more relevant than most people think.
You see, taking care of yourself – as a parent – is just as crucial as taking care of your kids. If you’re running on empty, you won’t have anything to give to your family. Similar to ‘putting on your own mask before helping others’, we often forget that we need to take care of ourselves too.
Mentally healthy families value each other as more than the role they play – the mom, the dad, the older sister. They recognize that everyone needs to nourish themselves as individuals. Whether that involves getting a massage every month or going on a solo jog every morning, family members in mentally healthy families want their family members to take care of themselves and to prioritize it. They know that their family will grow stronger if individual members look after themselves too.
8. Talk About Their Feelings
Feelings are something that you find families either talk about…or they don’t. This isn’t something that happens by chance. Often, children don’t know how to verbalize their feelings. They need to be shown by example.
As such, it’s important to cultivate an environment in which family members feel comfortable sharing their feelings. That means sharing your own feelings with your children and not shutting down your children when they come to you with negative emotions.
It’s in a parent’s nature to not want their children to experience negative emotions, but the answer isn’t to suppress those emotions. It’s to help your children understand and cope with the negative emotions they experience. Don’t try to label any feelings as ‘bad’ or ‘unwanted’ in your household. Ensure that your children know that all of their feelings are okay and accepted.
9. Prioritize Quality Family Time
Last, but certainly not least, mentally healthy families prioritize quality time together. Healthy families don’t just happen, they’re made.
In order to create a healthy family dynamic, you have to make an effort to have fun with your family. Creating fun experiences is a great way to bond with your family and learn more about them.
Some great ideas for family bonding time (that don’t involve screen time) include:
- Going on a hike
- Game night – board games, puzzles, charades, Pictionary
- Arts & crafts night
- Having a picnic in the park
- Baking something
- Going bowling, ice-skating, rollerblading, etc.
- Visiting a museum
- Taking a trip to the zoo or a farm
Need Help?
If you and your family struggle to talk about your feelings and connect, it might be helpful to see a family therapist. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about hard topics when there’s a trained professional mediating the discussion.
We can help you in an accepting and supportive space. Come see us to get your family back on track. It’s never too late to work on improving your family dynamic.
Learn to thrive with us in either of our convenient Georgetown or Liberty Hill locations. Central Texas Child and Family Counseling is here to help. Contact us today.
Here for you,
Jenna
