Back to school season has arrived. And not surprisingly, those back-to-school butterflies have returned as well. When it comes to dealing with back-to-school anxiety, this year might pose a unique challenge as kids return to life “as we knew it” before the pandemic.
For kids who have gotten used to remote learning and social isolation or kids who are socially anxious or highly sensitive, back-to-school season is a critical time to set and create healthy routines. We have some tips for you on how to relieve your child’s back-to-school anxiety so they can start the new school year off on the right foot.
1. Pay attention to non-verbal cues
You may not know your child is dealing with back-to-school anxiety just by what they say. For younger children, they may not know how to communicate what they’re feeling.
In this case, it’s important for you to keep an eye out for certain behaviors, such as throwing tantrums, irritability, crying, stomachaches, and headaches. These behaviors might clue you in to your child’s anxiety if they cannot verbalize it themselves.
Paying close attention to your child can help you provide additional support if you notice signals that your child is anxious.
2. Check in with your child
Once you’ve paid close attention to your child’s cues, it can be helpful to make a habit of checking in with them in a non-threatening way.
Oftentimes, when parents check-in with their children, they can inadvertently project their own anxieties onto their children. Even if you are worried about your little one, it’s important to let your child open up to you at their own pace. Check-ins are going to be less effective if you push your child to open up about their feelings or try to pry information out of them.
Validating your children’s feelings when checking in can make your kids feel more comfortable opening up. Statements such as:
- It’s probably a little nerve-wracking to go back to school this year. Is there anything in particular that you’re worried about?
- I know that school last year was really hard. How are you feeling about going back?
- You did a great job coping with all of the changes last year. If you’re feeling anxious about this year, let me know if you want to talk about it.
By validating your children’s feelings, you are preemptively signaling to them that you are a safe person to open to and that you can understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes all it takes is opening up the conversation on a good note.
3. Create a morning routine
As we all know, structure and stability can be very comforting to children. Having a routine is a way to give children the consistency they need.
Before school kicks off, it can be helpful to get your kids into a morning routine. You don’t have to do this week in advance. It can start simply a few days before the first day of school. Having a routine in place can help ease your child back into “school mode” and give their bodies time to adjust to a new schedule.
Routines can also help your child feel more independent and boost confidence when they perform tasks without your help. It can be something as simple as brushing their teeth, picking out their clothes, or putting away their dishes in the sink. These small accomplishments can help children start their day off on the right foot.
As a parent, it’s important to consider adjusting your own morning routine to accommodate the extra time your kids need to get dressed, fed, and out the door. You want to give yourself enough time to get what you need to get done without feeling rushed. Supporting yourself means you can better help your child dealing with back to school anxiety.
4. Give your kids a momento
Even though you can’t physically be with your kids to support them during school, you can still stay connected with them in different ways. You can leave an encouraging note in their lunchbox or you can give them a bracelet or wristband to wear to school. A physical reminder of your presence can help remind your children that they’re not in it alone. When they’re feeling anxious, they will have a physical object to ground them and bring them a sense of calm.
5. Validate their feelings
After a long year of social distancing, your kid might be feeling a myriad of feelings – uncertainty, fear, anxiety. It’s important that they know all of their feelings are valid. They don’t need to compare their feelings with someone else’s. And just because other kids are excited to return to school, doesn’t mean that they’re “weird” or “behind” in any way. Everyone is allowed to move at their own pace and the full spectrum of emotions is valid.
6. Teach them how to regulate their emotions
The truth is, as parents, you can’t always be there for your kids when they need you. Sometimes, they have to cope with anxiety and stress on their own. In order to prepare them for the “stressors” at school, it can be helpful to talk about calming techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing.
You can teach them to check in with themselves by asking questions like:
- How am I feeling right now?
- Am I safe and comfortable where I am right now?
- Do I need something – a break, food, water, or support?
When your child pays attention to their own needs, they can better recognize when to utilize those calming techniques.
7. Show them that you’re there for them
Contrary to popular belief, you can be there for your kids without being a helicopter parent. Sometimes it’s about letting them come to you. Even if you notice your child is feeling anxious, they might not be ready to talk about it yet. And that’s okay, you have to trust that they will come to you when they’re ready.
In the meantime, one of the best ways to show up for your child is to mirror their feelings back to them (which helps them feel seen) and then letting them know you’re there if they need it.
Approaching your kids in a non-threatening way that makes them feel safe and heard will increase the likelihood that they’ll come to you when they need you.
8. Let them know it’s okay to ask for help
With the ups and downs of last year, it is absolutely okay if your child is struggling to adjust to a new school year. There is no shame in asking for help from parents, teachers, or counselors.
One way to teach your kids that it’s okay to ask for help is by doing it yourself! Modeling the behavior will help show your kids that everyone needs help sometimes, and there’s no shame in asking for it. When you, as a parent, can reach out for help, it shows your children that asking for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness.
Bottom Line
Kids are resilient. If the past year has taught us anything, it’s that our kids can handle change – sometimes even better than us adults. With the right support, your kids are going to adapt to the new school year with ease.
If your kids are struggling with this transition period and dealing with back to school anxiety, it could be helpful for them to speak with a licensed professional. Our team of experts has helped many kids learn to cope with big and small life changes. There’s nothing wrong with needing help, so give us a call today. We have convenient locations in both the Georgetown and Liberty Hill area.
Here for you,
Jenna Fleming, LPC, NCC, is a Georgetown, TX therapist. She is also the owner at Georgetown and Liberty Hill Child & Family Counseling, where it is their mission to help people thrive through Christ-centered counseling.
