Many of us struggle with family communication. It’s a common problem. There’s no shame in learning family communication tips to improve your family dynamic.
Family communication lays the basis for communication in other areas of our lives. If your family struggles with communication, this can actually impact your child’s communication skills in other areas of their life.
Start your family and your children off on the right foot by instilling good family communication habits.
What are the 4 Family Communication Patterns?
When it comes to family communication, there are as many communication styles as there are types of families. Meaning – there are a lot of ways to communicate. However, researchers have found that family communication styles are usually dependent on two factors – conversation and conformity.
Conversation – indicates that your family is capable of talking freely about most topics. Members feel comfortable having open conversations with each other.
Conformity – indicates the degree to which family members can contribute to a decision. High conformity means that the decision-making power is held by the parents.
Based on these two factors, family communication styles generally fit into one of the following four categories:
Pluralistic: High conversation, low conformity
In pluralistic families, members feel comfortable sharing their opinions even in times of conflict and disagreement. Families who are pluralistic take each member’s input into consideration, and decisions are made as a family unit.
Consensus: High conversation, high conformity
In consensual families, open and honest conversations are valued, but parents are the ones who make the final decisions. Children are expected to go along with their parent’s decisions without questioning them.
Laissez-Fair: Low conversation, low conformity
Laissez-fair families are families where everyone is allowed to make their own decisions. Individuals generally do not communicate with each other, and there is no expectation to make decisions as a family unit. Rather, individual members act based on their own needs.
Protective: Low conversation, high conformity
In protective families, family members do not communicate openly with each other, and children are expected to accept their parent’s authority without question. In protective families, you might hear a parent say phrases such as, ‘because I said so’ or ‘because I’m the parent’. Decisions are not open for discussion or negotiation.
What are the Benefits of Improving Family Communication?
Children who are raised in families with positive communication skills learn to:
- Be more independent
- Address conflict head on
- Have higher trust in themselves to make decisions
The way that children learn to communicate in the home is often mirrored in the world. So modeling positive communication habits can help your children successfully navigate relationships in their everyday lives.
Family Communication Tips to Practice Today
1. Be Intentional with Family Time
Communication can only happen if you spend quality time with your family. When you set aside intentional time for your family, you create opportunities to connect with each other.
Rather than just turning on the tv or going to the movies, consider doing something that invites more natural conversation. Consider activities such as hiking, going out for ice cream, or doing a craft together.
Intentional family time doesn’t have to be a chore. Make sure to consult your kids to find out how they enjoy spending time with you.
2. Attack Problems, Not Each Other
It can be easy to fall into criticism and judgment during conflicts. Instead of accusing or attacking family members, attack the problem. Remember that as a family, you are all on the same team.
For example, if a family member forgets to lock the front door on multiple occasions, it’s not productive to accuse them of being careless or forgetful. Instead, focus on solutions – how can you work together to make it easier for them to remember to lock the door?
Solution-oriented language offers a gentler approach to conflict. It can help make family members feel loved even if you want to discourage the behavior itself.
3. Try Using ‘I’ Statements
If you need to address a problem, try using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. Starting a sentence with ‘you’ can lead to someone feeling attacked. It can then cause them to act defensively.
Consider approaching a situation from the perspective of how it impacted you. That can create a safer atmosphere to discuss the issue and avoid fighting.
Instead of saying this: You didn’t call me before going over to Sean’s house (which sounds accusatory)
Say this instead: I felt worried when you didn’t call me before going over to your friend’s house (brings the focus to the impact of the action and why it matters to you).
4. Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Communication
When we are not mindful of our non-verbal communication, our facial expressions and body language can often send mixed signals. 90% of communication is through non-verbal cues, so to say that non-verbal communication is important is an understatement!
When having discussions about difficult topics, make sure to be mindful of your body posture, facial expressions, tone, physical distance, and hand gestures. Make sure that your verbal and non-verbal cues are not clashing with each other.
You can show positive body language through:
- Nodding
- Leaning toward one another
- Maintaining eye contact
5. Ask Open Questions
Sometimes getting more than one word out of your child is difficult. To encourage conversation, consider asking more specific questions than just, “how was your day?” or “how was school?”
Vague questions tend to garner vague responses. However, questions that make your child think might actually encourage them to open up. Here are some interesting prompts to use with your child,
- What part of the day you were most excited about?
- Do you have something you’re looking forward to this weekend?
- Did you learn something interesting today?
- Have you done something recently that you’re proud of?
- What is one thing about today that surprised you?
- What did you do today that brought you joy?
6. Create Family Rituals
An important aspect of positive communication is consistency. If you find yourself only speaking to your children when you are disciplining them or giving them instructions, you may find it difficult to get them to engage in low-pressure conversations with you.
Encourage conversation by creating spaces where it’s safe to have casual conversations.
Consider starting daily or weekly family rituals. It doesn’t have to be anything big or fancy. It can be as simple as eating dinner together or having a family board game night.
Additional Family Communication Tips:
- Don’t interrupt
- Try not to lecture, keep statements brief and give others opportunities to speak
- Own your own mistakes
- Turn off your phone and put away distractions
- Repeat what someone says back to them to ensure you understand what they’re saying
There’s No Shame in Asking for Help
If you are struggling to connect with your family and communicate positively with each other, therapy can help. There’s no shame in seeking help. Give one of our experienced and licensed professionals a call today.
With convenient locations in both the Georgetown and Liberty Hill area, help is just a call away.
Sending love,
Jenna
